Some days my feelings threaten to immobilize me, lay me out with a justification that an afternoon nap is the only cure. On occasion, I give in to that part of me committed to being gentle with me; that part of me that knows that loving me is the best remedy for anything.
I dismiss my whiner voice
determined to label this respite as lazy, and embrace, instead, my winner voice
that’s ready to speak truthfully and openly, sometimes uncomfortably; but with
a discomfort that transforms to honor as it reveals hidden treasure.
On those days, I take a long, slow look at myself, at my
life, at where I am and I question, ever so gently, if this current spot is
actually the best place for me. Wisdom has delivered acceptance that where I am
right now is where I am supposed to be; however, courage whispers that where I
go from here, from this now moment is best determined by what I allow to
surface, now.
I nudge myself into exploring whether settling or playing
small have coaxed me to this place. I look, with as nonjudgmental a glance as
possible, at whether people-pleasing or a preoccupation with what “they” will
think factored into my arrival here; and suddenly I am overtaken by immense gratitude for all of the telltale,
nap-inducing feelings – feelings that must emerge because their job is to lull me into divine
slumber – to put me on my back - not to really sleep - but to awaken.
Michelle Hollinger is the author of The Sisterhood Exchange. Purchase an autographed, hard copy edition at michellehollinger.com.
Michelle Hollinger is the author of The Sisterhood Exchange. Purchase an autographed, hard copy edition at michellehollinger.com.
